This Valentine’s Day will be spent a little differently than other ones- it will be spent with my mother.
For all of you who already judged before I could put in the disclaimer, “Before you judge, let me explain,” pinch yourself. My mom and I both happen to be alone this Valentine’s Day weekend (her husband is in Asia and my boyfriend lives in California). So instead of sitting at home watching Serendipity while eating a gallon of ice cream, we decided to head to Hocking Hills and go hiking for the weekend. Problem solved.
In no way will this be my worst Valentine’s Day. In fact I think it will be quite enjoyable (especially compared to what I consider my worst Valentine’s Day).
My worst Valentine’s Day was when I was in sixth grade. I had been dating a boy named Nick for a few weeks. It was pretty serious (I mean come on, we had at least three conversations in those few weeks AND waved at each other frequently). A few days before Valentine’s Day rolled around, Nick wrote me a note, which probably went something like this:
Hi.
I can’t drive and my mom doesn’t know I have a girlfriend because I’m not old enough. So my friend Tyler is going with his mom to get your Valentine’s Day present for me.
What do you want?
Luv ya,
Nick
P.S. I like the duck earrings you’re wearing today.
My sixth grade self probably told him that he didn’t need to get me anything. (I was more than likely thinking ahead and figured not getting anything would outweigh the embarrassment of my boyfriend giving me something IN PERSON). Unfortunately on the big day my boyfriend had my gift in hand. He walked up to me, gave me a plastic CVS bag and walked away…
Yes, a plastic CVS bag was the gift-wrap.
Anyways, my girlfriends surrounded me and I opened up the plastic grocery bag. Inside was a box of chocolates, gel pens, nail polish and one of those multi-colored, tattoo bracelets that were crazy popular back in late 1990s. Oh, he also accidentally left his wallet in there from when he had his friend purchase the gift[s].
At this part of the story the whole event sounds pretty innocent; in fact if I stopped here it might sound kind of cute and you would probably think I was a mean troll in sixth grade for calling this my worst Valentine’s Day ever. Again don’t judge; listen to the whole story.
A few hours later a rumor started around our sixth grade class: Nick had gotten all of my Valentine’s Day gifts, except for the chocolates, by stealing from his younger sister. The pressure must have been too hard to handle because soon enough Nick admitted to me that I in fact had stolen goods. It was at this point that our 3-week relationship ended and he and his friends called me a “freezer” for a few weeks afterwards. (Urbandictionary.com explains what a “freezer” is perfectly: “A prude; someone who “freezes” all the action or won’t put out; someone who is abnormally reluctant to engage in sexual activity.”)
I’m going to assume that these young boys didn’t really understand what they were saying when they called me a freezer; they did know how to get under my skin though. Whenever I walked out of the room they would ask the teacher to “open a window” because it just got warm in the classroom. When I returned to the classroom they would start to shiver and ask to close the window.
So whether you’re in sixth grade and terrified of what Valentine’s Day will bring, single and celebrating “Singles Awareness Day,” happily taken or even spending this weekend with your mother, I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s weekend and don’t steal.
